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The Bear Comes Home

The Bear Comes Home

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The culmination of years of events has finally come to pass – I am now officially moved in with my BFF in Morgantown, PA. Depending on how much you have followed my blog and whether or not you know me IRL, you may have been watching the story unfold.

First, she came to visit me from Pennsylvania while I was living in North Carolina. Then we started visiting each other frequently and travelling together, and a new phase of our lives began. I went up and met her kids for the first time; they were boys age 10 and 13. She came down and met my tabletop gaming buddies. She even brought the kids with her sometimes, and they all joined me at gaming conventions.

Sometimes I would go up to see her, and sometimes she would come down to see me. And we went on a lot of fun trips together. She took me on my first trip to New York City, and to my first Broadway show. We’ve seen so many shows since then; I’ve basically become her theater buddy. And since she’s a director, I got to see a lot of her shows. I became her number one fan.

We travelled to Chicago every summer for G-Fest along with the boys’ Dad, who is also my friend. This was a tradition with them since the boys were even younger, and my joining them was part of the process of being enfolded into their family. But I wasn’t completely enfolded yet, since I was still living in North Carolina. The distance between us was kind of fun at first, since it was exciting to see each other again after an absence of a couple of weeks. But the travelling got tedious. It was a seven hour drive between our houses. Flying was an option, too, since we could get cheap tickets on Frontier Airlines, but even that has its inconveniences.

Then, a few years ago, some Water Spirits came and trashed my house, teaching me a lesson about the relative importance of material things, but also helping me to realize what a spoiled bear I am. Some months later my job in North Carolina came to an end. It was starting to look like the Universe was sending me a message. I went up into the mountains to watch a solar eclipse and ponder my next course in life.

I started looking for work in Pennsylvania, so that I could move closer to my BFF and her family. I enjoyed my last months in North Carolina boardgaming with my buddies and performing with my choir. Then I landed a position in Wilmington, DE and in a whirlwind five weeks got an apartment in West Chester, PA and moved on up. My recently renovated house quickly sold, and I’m pretty sure the buyer re-did all the work that the insurance company paid for.

The apartment was expensive and the commute to Wilmington was a pain. It made sense for me to eventually move in with her family, though I would have to find a new job first that would put me closer to her house. I have to admit I was dragging my feet. I have a lot of stuff and I like to control my personal space. It would be a big change for me to move in with someone for good, after more than a decade of living alone.

I did get a new job, which took care of the commuting problem. And then along came a little thing called the novel coronavirus. Suddenly I was working from home, and it only made sense for me to be doing this from my BFF’s house. I brought my essential things over and hunkered down with her. The apartment languished, unused.

As we got used to the routine of living together and sharing her house, it was obvious that I should just complete the move. There was a little wrangling over how we would use the space and where my stuff would end up. I mostly fought to have a place to shelve all my books and boardgames – that carefully curated collection I’ve built up over my many years. Figuring out how to share space is just part of the hard work of building a lasting relationship.

The big move happened last week, and all that’s left now is to clean up the apartment and collect a few final possessions. The lease expires soon. As for my new commute – well, I’m not sure when that will start up. Pennsylvania is loosening coronavirus restrictions, but I haven’t heard anything about going back to the office. So I’ll be here in Morgantown for the foreseeable future.

It’s been a long trip to get to this stage of my life. Along the way I’ve done a lot with my BFF, and our relationship has bloomed. I’ve joined her family and I’ve watched her boys grow up – her eldest is in college now, and has a car, a job, and a girlfriend! And it’s good that I’m living with her now, considering that she needs support at a time when her industry – theater – is so troubled.

It’s also good that we got so much travelling done during the past six years, considering that we’re likely to be homebound for a long while to come. I’m just glad that home is here now, with my girl.

Books and games waiting to be unpacked in the office.
Closed!

Closed!

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The final steps of my transplantation to Pennsylvania are being taken.

Week 6 – close on the house in North Carolina.

The transplantation process is almost entirely complete. I just need the driver’s license, vehicle registration and voter registration bit. And to get a library card. 🙂

This home was my castle for nearly ten years, the only real estate property I have ever owned. But it is a relief to be unburdened of it, since it wasn’t so useful hundreds of miles away. My relief was palpable to the notary who stamped the closing papers as I rushed to get them signed and overnighted yesterday.

Thanks, house, for taking care of me through my forties. I hope the new owner finds as much joy in you as I did.

Five Week Move Complete

Five Week Move Complete

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Piles of boxes fill my apartment as I contemplate my astounding five week move from North Carolina to Pennsylvania. Here’s how to do it:

Week 1 – Phone interview from NC.

Week 2 – Drive up to PA. Look at apartment. Have on-site job interview. Get job offer. Drive back to NC.

Week 3 – Apply for apartment remotely. Get approved. Arrange for movers. Arrange to sell house to neighbors. Frantically pack.

Week 4 – Movers pick up possessions. Drive to PA. Unload car into apartment. Frustrated by movers not arriving. Snowstorm: job start is delayed. Continue arranging to sell NC house. Movers finally arrive at last minute.

Week 5 – Start job. Sign contract to sell house.

All of this was much facilitated by the ease of communication and process workflow that comes with the Internet era, and that the neighbors had their eye on my house. It also helped that so much of my house was packed already because of the Wrath of the Water Spirits. And, of course, that my BFF was waiting in PA to help with stocking the apartment with groceries and then with unpacking.

As the boxes have been opened and items sorted through, I wonder how I accumulated so much junk over the years. Why was I attached to it all enough to pay movers to transport it, instead of giving it away or selling it in NC? Probably because I was rushing and not planning or processing as wisely as I could have. A lesson for the next move. This old stuff has less value now; it feels like it belongs to a dead past. I want to pick at it like a scab, peel it away like dragon scales off of Eustace Scrubb as I emerge into my new life.

Solar Eclipse Timing

Solar Eclipse Timing

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This is where I went to watch the solar eclipse, up in the mountains in North Carolina.

I didn’t take any pictures of the actual eclipse, just enjoyed it as it happened. I was in the path of totality, but not the center line, so it became dark like twilight, with sunset colors at every degree of the horizon.

Now I am back at my house in Cary, which has *almost* completed reconstruction since the water leak. Just a few little things left. And all my possessions are returned, but still in boxes. So feeling like I am at a crossroads. Going to give it a little thought, with this astrology article in mind.

Reno Has Begun

Reno Has Begun

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The renovation of the house is underway as I continue my luxurious hotel lifestyle. At least we picked paint colors to appease the water spirits-


Spoiled Bear

Spoiled Bear

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The ongoing saga of my encounter with the water spirits continues. My house is asbestos and water-free, but not tenable. While the insurance company takes its sweet time approving the repairs, I am domiciled in a residence hotel, in a cozy little one bedroom suite with a kitchenette. It’s turning out to be a life I could get used to.

Breakfast is free every morning, and each day someone comes and washes the dishes and makes the bed. So with a smaller space and maid service, I am freed from the drudgery of chores.

My bestie has come to visit, and we have made a number of excursions to places near the hotel. Our first was to a Cinebistro to see Wonder Woman. This venue is a sort of luxury movie theater, with good drinks and food served, and, astonishingly, no ads showing while you sit in your reclining seat waiting for the movie to start. A nearby taco place turned out to be similarly upscale.

The real treat was discovering that while at the hotel we have a pass to a Lifetime Fitness that is within walking distance. This is a gigantic fitness center with multiple pools and a huge floor full of fancy exercise equipment with touchscreen controls. With monthly fees four times the amount, it puts the dive fitness center where I am a member to shame.

The hotel is not too far from my all but abandoned house, where apparently an upper-middle class commercial mecca has existed of which I was unaware. It’s newer development than my neighborhood, and on the leading edge of a consumer trend toward higher quality services and experiences over commodities.

So now it feels like I have been cast from home and marooned on the shores of affluenza. With the insurance covering the hotel bill, I’m not sure if the water spirits were punishing me by trashing my house, or offering me a free spa vacation.

I know this is all going to come across as bragging, but it is where this bear’s life is at. Curiously, my personal trajectory has been on the up ever since the financial crisis. I am in a natural place, I suppose, for a lucky man at the peak of life.

Wrath of the Water Spirits

Wrath of the Water Spirits

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So a couple of weeks ago I had a water leak on the second floor of my house, which has led to an accelerating series of disruptions to my life. Giant fans and dehumidifiers have been blowing noisily for most of the time, with holes cut in the drywall for access to the interior spaces.

The restoration company found asbestos in the ceiling texture (building was constructed in 1979) and before the ceiling can be dried out properly, an abatement must be performed. This will require the first floor to be cleared out. Now all my “non-essentials” – mainly books, board games and bric-a-brac – are boxed in preparation.

While I might question calling books and games non-essential, it is mostly stuff I never use. Do I really need all these vanities and distractions? Just to look at and feel smug? But then it does represent decades of my life accumulating what were in my mind the best of books and games, and many souvenirs of my adventures. I feel at once lighter, stripped down to the bare bones of existence, but also unmoored, swept away by events beyond my control.

And a little anxious about entrusting my possessions to people I have only just met. I swear I could see the dollar signs ringing up in their eyes as the work requirements snowballed.

Still there is an exciting sense of novelty, and the joy of testing my resilience. I am a creature of habit and now must make new habits. This just comes with homeownership; I am fortunate that I have had this house for nearly eight years and this is the first major event. And I am grateful to live in a peaceful and prosperous nation where I can even afford a house and the comforts it provides, with insurance to cover the repairs when the water spirits decide to show their wrath. As I know, most people on this planet are not so lucky.